I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
