i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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