We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry my hands just texted you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
