i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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