Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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