I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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