Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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