So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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