I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
