i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
