she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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