I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
