she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
