Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
