please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize