Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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