He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
