Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize