There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
