he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
