does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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