All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
