I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she looked like the before picture.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
