I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
