Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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