I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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