so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
