i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
