The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she peed on how many people?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
