she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
