I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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