Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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