Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
