Are we in a gay sports bar?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
no, he came in my armpit
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
