Betty ford says i'm here all night
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
