I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
