I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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