Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize