I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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