You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
