Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
