that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
