I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE