I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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