Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

dude, your ex-bf is on match.com

(847): View more from Illinois

details on that.

(312): View more from Illinois

well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.

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(312): dude, your ex-bf is on match.com (847): details on that. (312): well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes. http://tfl.nu/50kk

Replies (6) Good night (2199) Bad night (1031)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie

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(973): Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie http://tfl.nu/ez65

Replies (12) Good night (2604) Bad night (811)
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(254): View more from Texas

you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.

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(254): you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it. http://tfl.nu/sgly

Replies (18) Good night (799) Bad night (3861)
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(305): View more from Florida

I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

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(305): I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry. http://tfl.nu/el5m

Replies (65) Good night (1104) Bad night (4673)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.

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(203): they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures. http://tfl.nu/t4cj

Replies (3) Good night (4353) Bad night (687)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.

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(920): My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed. http://tfl.nu/bpdu

Replies (17) Good night (1384) Bad night (5189)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.

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(910): I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling. http://tfl.nu/sj19

Replies (6) Good night (2805) Bad night (848)
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(239): View more from Florida

gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.

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(239): gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me. http://tfl.nu/wt0v

Replies (9) Good night (2124) Bad night (3602)
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(979): View more from Texas

He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.

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(979): He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon. http://tfl.nu/z7tj

Replies (10) Good night (889) Bad night (2151)
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(647): View more from Ontario

Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.

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(647): Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg. http://tfl.nu/wi3n

Replies (1) Good night (1431) Bad night (591)
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(620): View more from Kansas

I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.

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(620): I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin. http://tfl.nu/7pmc

Replies (3) Good night (795) Bad night (1064)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.

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(612): you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing. http://tfl.nu/yg2q

Replies (3) Good night (982) Bad night (347)
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(310): View more from California

I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.

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(310): I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it. http://tfl.nu/9g38

Replies (0) Good night (856) Bad night (442)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.

(214): View more from Texas

I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity

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(832): I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle. (214): I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity http://tfl.nu/3j7l

Replies (2) Good night (780) Bad night (396)
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(716): View more from New York

Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"

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(716): Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins" http://tfl.nu/papm

Replies (5) Good night (652) Bad night (385)

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