Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility. http://tfl.nu/np4w
  Replies (7) Good night (635) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys. http://tfl.nu/6bet
  Replies (27) Good night (4605) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A http://tfl.nu/j0fk
  Replies (25) Good night (6342) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So you threw a sword at me last night

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So you threw a sword at me last night (419): I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised. http://tfl.nu/6fwc
  Replies (11) Good night (5550) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk. http://tfl.nu/tfhs
  Replies (5) Good night (4532) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711. http://tfl.nu/l97v
  Replies (1) Good night (3036) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever. http://tfl.nu/9nwk
  Replies (7) Good night (824) Bad night (3224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  Thanks, mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway. (1-202): Thanks, mom. http://tfl.nu/107n
  Replies (25) Good night (1714) Bad night (4311)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt. http://tfl.nu/toh0
  Replies (22) Good night (2916) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (438): Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it http://tfl.nu/s0ms
  Replies (10) Good night (595) Bad night (3251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball. http://tfl.nu/n9al
  Replies (4) Good night (1224) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab http://tfl.nu/ok4v
  Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise. http://tfl.nu/t24q
  Replies (2) Good night (311) Bad night (1273)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder! http://tfl.nu/rxkw
  Replies (12) Good night (950) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable http://tfl.nu/rcay
  Replies (6) Good night (960) Bad night (137) Order T-Shirt

Randomize