all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing