Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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