My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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