He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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