I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
