you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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