I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
