I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
