i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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