he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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