I showed him my bush... on skype.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
