we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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