i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
