the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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