he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
