i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.