i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She bit a glass in half.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit