Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida

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(303): View more from Colorado

those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.

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(713): View more from Texas

We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight

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(951): View more from California

Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(978): View more from Massachusetts

the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...

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(314): View more from Missouri

I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.

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(707): View more from California

Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..

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