so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
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The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We are all done wearing pants today
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.