Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.