The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.