Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
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i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.