i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"