Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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