Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
