His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
